This little summary of the “plusses and minuses” of living in New England made me laugh. Especially the part about “Eight months a year of icy hell, virtually entombing you in a pre-modern lifestyle of woodchopping and indoor-huddling.” Ha ha ha! No one chops wood for heat anymore!
Some of the rest of it is accurate, though. I indeed have friends who regularly spot a black bear in their yard. There is skiing (though perhaps that should be in quotes, I mean compared to Utah and Colorado). There is indeed foliage and maple and apples. It is not necessarily true, however, that you can easily buy maple syrup everywhere– many parts of the country strongly favor the imitation version (and try finding Grade B syrup in Florida or Arizona… what? You’ve never had Grade B syrup? You need to visit New England more often…)